Do not stand at my grave and weep i am not there i do not sleep i am a thousand winds that blow i am the diamond glits on snow i am the sunshine on the ripened grain i am the gentle autumn rain when you awaken in the morning's hush i am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight i am the soft stars that shine at night do not stand at my graveand cry i am not there i did not die matty that poem tries to tell me to carry on with my life and walk alongside you but i feel if i do i will leave you behind, dad tells me i wont but i am so frightened how can i walk through life with a hole in my heart that was ripped from me that horrible horrible day you were taken from me without reason, i didnt even say goodbye as you fell asleep and went to heaven. i beleive we will be together one day and i will see that smile again, hear that cheeky voice and be at the end of you banter, i hate this time of year firstly celebrating your birthday and then 2 weeks later the day you passed. 4 years soon and not a second goes by without thinking of you. i wake to the dread feeling in my stomach and carry that through my day till i close my eyes at night. noone knows how it feels to lose a child until it happens to them and i get so angry with life as you were so kind hearted and a gentle giant and yet they say god takes the best.i have been going to church in order to find the answers that i need to help me understand that, it helps but the one question people cant answer was why my son, i love you matty and know matter what i will carry you in my heart forever. mumxxxxxxxx